Mental Health, Boundaries, and the Holidays

There are a lot of misconceptions about mental health during the holidays. This post aims to debunk those myths and share practical strategies—rooted in neuroscience and boundary-setting principles—for navigating stress and family dynamics with clarity and compassion.

As a counsellor, I always hear about how hard the holidays are for clients - yet, from my experience, this is one of the quietest times for a counsellor, in that folks usually disengage from their therapeutic work to tend to 'more important matters.' Contrary to popular belief, suicide rates do not spike during the holidays, as Canadian data from the Public Health Agency and Statistics Canada show that December has one of the lowest suicide rates of the year, with peaks occurring in spring and early summer.

However, this does not mean that we don't feel the pressure of the holidays, especially as busy parents. As a matter of fact, anxiety, depression, stress, grief, and loneliness all show marked increases at this time of year, with women showing greater increases (I wonder why!). An important stress-management tool I regularly teach my clients is how to set boundaries with themselves and others.

Boundaries are essential during those moments when you want to DO IT ALL but simply can’t. The holiday season makes this especially challenging, which is why it’s a perfect time to put boundaries into practice—though ideally, we should start building these skills before the chaos hits.

Picture this: you’re cooking a turkey dinner, and your little one asks to play a game right at crunch time. You don’t want to say no—after all, it’s the holidays, and spending time with our kids matters. But your child is on the verge of a sugar-fueled meltdown, and no one is around to help. You’re juggling a packed schedule, feeling the weight of everyone’s expectations.

This is where boundaries come in. Start with a deep breath. That pause creates what we call a containing boundary—a mental ‘buffer zone’ that gives you a split second to breathe, regulate, and choose your next step instead of reacting automatically. It’s an internal boundary that helps regulate your nervous system by rebalancing oxygen and carbon dioxide.

When your body has the fuel it needs, you’re less reactive and more able to engage your rational brain instead of your emotional brain—the part of the brain that drives impulsive, fight-or-flight responses when we’re stressed. To set effective boundaries, we first need to identify and regulate our own emotional response to these triggers.

Once you’ve created that space, assess your resources. Do you have five minutes to spare? Do you need backup? Whatever you decide, know this: it won’t be perfect, and it might not be pleasant. I’d love to promise these steps will prevent a meltdown—but sometimes, nothing will.

What this process does give you is confidence that you acted thoughtfully—not reactively or harshly, but practically. You weren’t trying to be superhuman or do it all. You were realistic, grounded, and honest.

Your next move is to communicate this boundary respectfully. It might sound like:"I understand you really want to play a game right now, honey, but I need to finish dinner for the family. Maybe Dad or Uncle can play with you? I’d love to play later when I have the time and energy." Ideally, this redirects your child and prevents a meltdown.

If not, you may need to call in backup—another form of boundary-setting with family. Maybe your partner takes over dinner, or a relative distracts your child. And if the meltdown happens anyway? At least you’re not alone in it.

Setting boundaries means checking in with ourselves in the moment, assessing our resources, regulating any distressing emotions, and communicating our needs respectfully to those around us. If we react purely emotionally, we risk triggering others and creating a negative spiral. If we swing too far into rationality, we can come across as cold and callous, especially during a season meant for connection. And if we try to control others’ reactions to our boundaries, resentment often follows.

At the end of the day, we can’t prevent the holidays from being hectic, stressful, or even ending in meltdowns. We can’t control other people’s emotions or behaviors—but we can influence the tone through our own way of being. We can choose to be the calm in the storm, even when we don’t feel calm inside.

Ultimately, the only thing we truly control is our own behavior. And that’s what lingers in our minds when the day is done: Did I approach that situation the way I wanted to? Did I uphold my values as a parent, partner, or friend? Am I someone my loved ones can turn to in times of chaos?

If you can answer these questions with yes, your holidays are likely to be just a little bit happier this season.

Take a moment to reflect on these questions—and give yourself permission to set boundaries this holiday season.

Wishing you all a wonderful holiday season and beautiful moments with family and friends - despite the inevitable chaos it shall bring!

Kindly,

Lia Kay (King) (She/They)

BSc., MSc., MSW. RSW (#16623)

CEO/Clinical Director

Kootenay Virtual Clinical Services Ltd.

Sources

Setting Boundaries that Stick By Julianne Taylor Shore.

Suicide and Self-Harm - Key Statistics — Canada.ca

Winter Holidays and Suicide Rates: What the Data Really Shows